|
|
Trial By Fury
Who the fuck are we, anyway?
These guys, frighteningly enough...
Where are they now? Rerun offers an exclusive inside look on the demise of the greatest band that never lived.
As you all know, Trial By Fury is no more. So what the fuck happened? Where are your favorite badasses-turned-engineers?
Rob "The Lambda Chi Guy" Myers: Likes to tickle the strings of his bling-bling guitar to unwind from a full day of avoiding work and building tall buildings in a single bound. He also likes puppies, girls, and stinky sand.
Known Aliases: Rob "I Seriously Have No Teeth" Myers, Rob "Air Hump" Myers, Chicken Wing, Printer.
Quoted as Saying: So I'm at the vet playing with this cat and it bites me, so I'm like, "hey, fuck you, you stupid cat!" and throw it's head against the wall and it makes this sound like "DOOSH"! So then I see this total douche and throw his head against the wall and he makes this sound, "CAT"!
Reason for Leaving: Parachutes are so much easier to pilfer in the daylight, so long as you're near a cream-colored Nissan.
Last Seen: On C-Span, discussing at length how the current federal deficit has actually driven the baseball card chewing gum industry.
Chris "Rerun" Weber: Took up bass guitar and badassery, since his free-flow rhymes wasn't producin' tha dough to support both his bling and his crew. What can I say, life's tuff fo' a tru playa thug, yo?
Known Aliases: C-Dub, C-Web, Hey You, Prisoner 46907, Poo Flinger.
Quoted as Saying: I am so fucking cool. Have you ever seen a cool guy? It was probably me. I still watch cartoons and set my roommate on fire every third Wednesday of the week.
Reason for Leaving: A blanket can be a vicious yet worthy opponent. Try hard-boiling some eggs or rotating the tires on your car first.
Last Seen: Laundering cashmoney with Jimmy Hoffa for D.B. Cooper.
Ryan "Awkward" McQuiston: Pimps the ladies with his mad beats. Plus, he's awkward. If you ever met him, you'd say "man, that guy was awkward."
Known Aliases: That Guy, OpenGL, Ryan "I get crunk with Dick and Bush" McQuiston.
Quoted as Saying: My advice to you is to never join fake bands like this one. That, and hoop it up old school with Kabul. And then make sweet love to yourself behind H-E-B.
Reason for Leaving: This is the fakest band I've ever seen. I LOVE virtual reality!
Last Seen: Pooping.
